Why do we hesitate before we make a decision?
Why do we have second thoughts, or remorse after making a decision?
Many believe that it is due to the lack of rapport between our conscious and unconscious minds.
Congruency is important because it allows for agreement and authenticity.
When we make a decision without being aware of where our decision making is coming from then we are opening the door to a myriad of possible regrets.
Your unconscious mind wants nothing but to please you, yet the issue is that it constantly eavesdrops on the words and the thoughts of your conscious mind. This is why people say you should banish the negative self-talk, your unconscious is listening and thinks that's what you truly want. Your conscious mind remembers all the missteps and fumbles in your life and it has no problem reminding you of how ill-equipped it thinks you are in every new situation.
From birth to around the age of 7-8 we are all sponges! We take in everything without really trying to make sense of any of it, we are simply experiencing and storing! Around 9-12 we begin to try and make sense of the world, so we draw on all of those previous experiences and place them into what are called Gestalts- for example we have Gestalts for love, for hate, for anger, for shame and so on. The problem is that with our young minds we make mistakes and those stored experiences get placed into the wrong Gestalts or Gestalts overlap. We do not realize the severity of this until much later as adults.
As adults, we may try to uncover why we behave in such ways through interventions such as Time Line Therapy or Hypnosis, or NLP. If we don't make the effort we don't stand a chance in untangling those missteps. We do have the ability to quickly experience those emotions with those events, have our unconscious mind collect a learning and separate them into their proper Gestalts. This will free up that space which has been using internal energy (your Shadow) to keep those sensitive issues under perceived control.
Have you ever wondered why when you are feeling great and having an amazing day, suddenly a thought comes to you about something from the past that still bothers you?
You think, "where the heck did that come from, I haven't thought I was over that, I was in a great mood?"
Truth is, your unconscious mind recognizes that you are in a great place and it wants to help.
Your unconscious mind decides to bring up that something unsettling from the past (I mean, you are in such a good positive state this is a perfect time), because it believes you have the capacity to learn from it so that you can release it and move forward. However, if you choose not to deal with it, which is always an option, your unconscious takes and buries it again for hopefully another chance later.
We cannot go through our life making all of our decisions at an unconscious level.
Just as we cannot make all of our decisions on a conscious level. The conscious and the unconscious must be congruent, must be in rapport, if we are to benefit the most from our decision making.
Let's do an exercise?
I like to have clients access all three levels of intelligence, their head, their heart and their gut.
So when they are making a decision, I have them first ask, "does my head agree with this?
If the answer is yes, then they ask, "does my heart know this as a truth or the right thing to do?"
If the answer is yes, then they ask, "what does my gut feel about this decision?"
If any answer is no, then we explore a little deeper as to why there is incongruence.
If there is a no, ask, "what am I thinking, knowing, or feeling?" Where is the disconnect and how intense is it. Stop for a moment and accept that disconnect, breathe it in, accept it, then offer an alternative positive feeling that you feel is more aligned with your true purpose.
Say, "while x may have been true in the past, today I choose to feel y." Breathe it (y) in, accept it and lock it into place.
Then do the whole process again until you get agreement.
Simply taking the time to see if all three intelligences agree will put an end to the second-guessing and decision remorse. The next time that you are making a decision about something, give this a try. See if you can get your head, your heart and your gut to agree, then see how good it actually feels!