What can I say? It's not really what you say. We spend our lives trying to figure out the right thing to say in the right way to the right person or persons. Glossophobia, or fear of public speaking is the most common form of social anxiety. In fact, when considering people with social anxiety disorders, 89.4% report a fear of public speaking. When someone is speaking to us, 95% of us are busy thinking about what we are going to say when it is our turn to speak. While communication is essential to most of us on this planet, the verbal aspect is less significant in overall communication. The following is a breakdown of communication.
Communication is :
7% The words that we use.
33% How we say those words, or tonality.
55% Unspoken communication or Physiology.
So really communication is less about what we say and how we say it and more about what we are doing with our posture, gestures, facial expressions, and breathing during the whole communication process. Wow! "I apologize mom and dad, I guess rolling my eyes did have an effect on our communication!," is what my sister should be saying about right now. I, on the other hand, learned to walk down the hall, go into my room, shut the door, sit on the bed before I let the eye rolling begin!!
To complicate things a little more, all of these physiological modalities are subject to the observers' own perceptions- NOT OURS.
So this is what we must remember-
The Meaning of Communication is the Response YOU GET!!!
Your intention really means diddly squat! So then how do we become master communicators? A good starting point would be to become experts at sensory acuity:
Feedback/information that indicates the extent to which you are on or off target in achieving your outcomes.
Other people's actions and reactions to certain situations/stimuli.
How you are reacting to certain situations/stimuli.
Of course the above needs to be true of both our own behavior as well as the behavior of those we are in communication with.
More later, but for now remember "What you don't say, says more than what you say, any day!"