Why do we hesitate before we make a decision? Why do we have second thoughts, or remorse after making a decision? Many believe that it is due to the lack of rapport between our conscious and unconscious minds. Congruency is important because it allows for agreement and authenticity. When we make a decision without being aware of where our decision making is coming from then we are opening the door to a myriad of possible regrets. Your unconscious mind wants nothing but to please you, yet the issue is that it constantly eavesdrops on the words and the thoughts of the conscious mind. This is why people say you should banish the negative self-talk, your unconscious is listening and thinks that's what you truly want.
From the moment of birth, your unconscious mind has been cataloging events, emotions, situations. Then from around 7-12ish your conscious mind started trying to make sense of the previous 12 years so that it could create your own distinct personality. The conscious mind began to form what are called Gestalts. This is where the conscious mind begins to try and make sense of every feeling or emotion, that has been absorbed up to that point and attach those feelings and emotions to specific events. The problems arise when they either overlap those emotions to conflicting events or simply get the match wrong. For example, in the Gestalt that a child creates for "love" they may put in events where they were hugged or told they were loved, events where they were comforted as well as events external to them, such as their parents hugging or kissing and saying I love you, smiling or laughter. However, they may also overlap an event that contains anger followed by hugs, or food then hugs. They need somewhere to put it so they do! Or they may miss altogether and put anger or violence toward them or anger and violence that they are exposed to in the Gestalt for love. That can become a problem later in life when the individual is attempting to form personal or intimate relationships.
Also, as adults, we may try to uncover why we behave in such ways and through things like Time Line Therapy or Hypnosis, or NLP you can quickly experience those emotions with those events, have your unconscious collect a learning and separate them into their proper Gestalts, which then will free up that space which has been using internal energy (your Shadow) to keep those sensitive issues under control. Have you ever wondered why when you are feeling great and having an amazing day, suddenly I thought comes to about something from the past that still bothers you? You think, "where the heck did that come from, I was in a great mood?" Truth is, your unconscious mind recognizes that you are in a great place. Your unconscious mind then decides to bring up that something unsettling from the past (I mean, you are in such a good positive state it will be great), because it believes you have the capacity to learn from it so that you can release it and move forward. If you choose not to deal with it, your unconscious takes and buries it again for hopefully another chance later.
However, we cannot go through our life making all of our decisions at an unconscious level. Just as we cannot make all of our decisions on a conscious level. The conscious and the unconscious must be congruent if we are to benefit the most from our decision making.
I like to have clients access three levels of physical intelligence, their head, their heart and their gut. When making a decision, ask, "does my head agree with this? If the answer is yes, then ask, "does my heart know this as a truth or the right thing to do?" If the answer is yes, then ask, "what does my gut feel about this decision?" If any answer is no, then explore a little deeper as to why there is incongruence. Simply taking the time to see if all three intelligences agree will put an end to the second guessing and remorse. The next time that you are making a decision about something, give this a try. See if you can get your head, your heart and your gut to agree, then see how good it actually feels!!