Sure we all want to be liked and applauded for our many wondrous attributes:
Our good nature
Our charming personality
The downhill out of control snowball starts when we let what other people think about us dictate our behavior. What other people think about you is not a factor in your success, and it never should be. How many likes you get shouldn’t determine your self-worth. Unfortunately, when we have expectations we are setting ourselves up for failure. Believe me, I have done this way too many times to count- but I am learning too, haha! When we give over our power to others and allow that their impressions to become how we are perceived, we lose out on who we really are. The only reality we can see is how we believe others see us.
Here are a few tips to help you not give a damn, because it’s none of your damn business anyway.
1. People are thinking about themselves 95% of the time (personally I think that number is higher). What does that mean? They are thinking of what they want to say as you are speaking, they are only waiting for their turn to speak, they are distorting, deleting and generalizing everything that you say to fit into their own personal world view. So really how they are responding to you is more about them and their world than it is about you. That should be enough to convince you but I promised more so let’s continue.
2. What is really important? Let us go big world view picture here. I was always told growing up that if I take the focus off of me and put it on something bigger, all my problems would go away. How is that for perspective?
3. Quit mind-reading! This is especially true in today’s social media-rich environment. How many times have you misinterpreted a text because of an emoji? Remember the only head that you are in is your own. You have no way of knowing what the other person has read or seen and how they will interpret it, so let it go. I heard an interview with a painter who was asked what her painting was really about, and they responded that once they were done with a painting it was no longer theirs and what they had intended no longer mattered. The real meaning of the painting was now up to each and every individual. That’s some serious truth there!!
4. Build your personal armor. If you plan on putting anything out into the world you need to fashion some protection for yourself. You need to become opinion proof. Let other’s opinions be the hammer that bangs out that armor for you. Hell, we learned this in elementary school in the U.S. “I’m rubber your glue….!” Decrease the effectiveness of those triggers on you. What’s a trigger? Anything that someone says or does that puts you into a particular state! Think- your pet peeves. Remember, only you should put you into different states, no one else. The more you experience those harsh reactions the less effect they will have on you, so hang tough!
5. Paralysis by analysis. Quit over-thinking everything. If you try hard enough you can read anything into everything and it will cause you to become stuck. If you feel something is negative, reframe it to make it just feedback to help you move forward constructively. Leave the negative alone, it will not serve you well at all.
6. If you try to please everyone you will end up pleasing no one! Quit striving to please everyone! Use this mantra, "Some will, some won't, so what!" Apply this to everything. Some will like you, some will not like you, so what! Some will buy from you, some won't, so what! Some will think you are sexy, some won't, so what! I think ya got it!
7. You want love, give love! Much of our life is a mirror where we see the reflection around us based on who we are. Be the mirror that reflects love and nothing else and I guarantee dissenting opinions won't seem as heavy and hurtful.
8. Impress yourself not others. Seek to be impressive to yourself only. This goes with number 7, the more that you can show self-love, the less the opinions and responses of other will matter to you. I'm not saying," I do what I do and S%$%@ you!" I am saying if you love yourself truly and deeply your interaction with the world will fundamentally be different. So much so that, you will not bother feeding the anger or hate or corrosiveness around you with anything but love and compassion.
There you have it, What others think about you is none of your damn business. Is this going to take a little practice? Of course, it is! If you consciously go into each and every day, each and every encounter with the above in mind, The day will be so much better. Then as a cherry on top, before you go to sleep each night take five minutes to be grateful for each and every interaction you had during the day because in some way, big or small you know you have made a positive impact on the world!